List #4: Not-Colors

Programming Note: Okay, I suggested that today would be bad kids TV, but sadly that is a subject that I have spent entirely too much time thinking about and thus need more time with which to expound.  And today is our Annual Partners' Meeting, so typing away on Blogger is frowned upon.  So look for that one later.

For now: Six Colors That I Am Convinced Are Not Real Colors, But Instead Are Band Names*

* And yes, I picked these "colors" before going online to look for actual bands to link to.

(6) Amythist.  This has to totally be an emo group.  Probably some kind of hipster commune thing like the goddamn Polysymphonic Spree.

And yes, I am aware of the gemstone Amythist, thank you very much.  But that doesn't mean that the same word has to be a color. I mean, is there a Rock color?  How about Granite?  When people first saw amythists, how did they describe them?  Would they not say, I dunno, *purple*?

(5) Moccasin.  I'm thinking this is a rockabilly kind of thing like Molly Hatchet.  Alternatively, could be some kind of nature ambient thing using only sounds recorded in the wilderness.

(4) Jonquil.  Pretty sure I knew a Jonquil in college, although I think she spelled it differently.  Definitely not a color though.  Presumably a nice acoustic folk rock - what dulinor would refer to as "Lesbian Bookstore" music.

(3) Razzmatazz. Light atmospheric jazz. Like a much much worse Norah Jones cover band or something.*  As for the color, come on.  That's not even a real word.

*  Oh god, that band's website has an intro tone that is, in fact, a light jazz cover....but it's of one of my favorite songs by Michele Branch.  My ears are bleeding.

(2) Bittersweet.  Are you freaking kidding me?  Bittersweet is allegedly a color now?  How about Melancholy or Crunchy as colors.  Lord.  This is probably some kind of postmodern whining hipster rock like The Postal Service.

(1) Oxblood.  Oxblood is not a color.  People who say it is are ridiculous and not to be trusted.  For a band, it has to be thrash metal.  Maybe Norwegian Death Metal if we're lucky.