After taking a well-deserved* week-long** hiatus, I'm back! I know you had all assumed that I had already lost interest and moved on to other passing interests. Ha! I bet I can keep at this for at least another week or two before giving up. So there!
* Hey, I've been doing this for like three weeks now! I need a break! One man can only do so much!!
** Plus a day. Hey, you know that first day back from vacation is always a bitch, right? Besides, maybe I'm going with a Tuesday/Thursday publishing schedule now, huh? You don't know. You think you know, but you don't. Thppppt.
Today's list is the best food I had while in Arizona last week with a bunch of people that you've all never met, ranked by....um.....how much I liked the meal?
(5) Garlic Knots at Salt River Fields by Talking Stick. Simply put, you cannot go wrong with garlic knots. You particularly cannot go wrong with eating garlic knots 8 rows from the field on a beautiful day in the shade. While these knots were nice and garlicky, I have to acknowledge that their placement on the list over the also-yummy garlic fries at the Peoria Sports Complex is likely due to the feeling of accomplishment at actually entering Salt River Fields after a series of comical mishaps that resulted in a certain stoat and myself lingering outside the park with non-functional tickets for an extended period.
(4) Tonto Bar & Grill. Excellent onion-crusted walleye. Apparently, walleye is a highly-respected culinary fish, and not some kind of scroungy bottom-feeder as I had previously thought. I love living in the future - it used to be that if you had a question about something on the menu you had to actually (gasp) ask the wait staff. In 2011 there is no need to interact with other pesky humans - just pull out your portable supercomputer and look it up on the intertubes.
(3) Chino Bandito. Shockingly low placement on the list for my old friend, but the top two were just that good. Regardless, Chino would unquestionably be my top recommendation to someone coming to Phoenix for the first time. The unholy fusion of Tex-Mex and Chinese was as excellent as ever (mmmmmm, Jade Red Chicken Quesadillas), and the snickerdoodles fresh and gooey. Great, great stuff.
(2) Cowboy Ciao. Excellent food, topped off by remarkable bacon caramel corn.* While my salmon was yummy, in retrospect we should've stuck with just ordering plate after plate of appetizers, as the dungeness crab enchiladas were the best thing I tasted and the buffalo carpaccio and wild boar meatballs were also exquisite.
(1) Culinary Dropout. A little trendier than I'm used to, but easily made up for by, well, everything else about the place. The drink menu alone would've made it a highlight,* but the food was also well above expectations. Nothing particularly outrageous in concept, but exceptionally well done semi-hoity versions of pub food. Of special note, the soft pretzels with provolone fondue were a big hit at the table, disappearing almost before the plate hit the table. The restaurant's remarkable talent level was also remarked on more than once, which always helps.
* Really, you can't go wrong with a Dirty Schoolgirl,** but Eric's Blue Ribbon Rhubarb was my favorite.
** I was then, am now, and will always be bitterly disappointed that Papa Funk didn't order a Virgin Dirty Schoolgirl.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
List #14: Candy (Non-Chocolate)
Favorite candy, not including anything using chocolate,* ranked by how much I want to eat a pound of it right now.
* Obviously, ranking both sugar-based and chocolate-based candy on the same list would be crossing the steams. And we cannot have that.
(8) Spearmints. Classic hard candy with a bite to it. Vastly superior to crappy Peppermints. Only the finest restaurants have a bowl of spearmints at the ready for exiting customers. I try not to embarrass myself by grabbing 10 of these on the way out....but am only occasionally successful.
(7) Candy Pumpkins. The bastard cousin of the significantly more popular candy corn, the candy pumpkin is in fact far superior due to its higher chewy-center to waxlike-skin ratio. The downside is that one can get incredibly sick after stuffing one's face with 50 of these little bombs. Not that I would know from personal experience or anything.
(6) Eyes of Terror. I admit, these largely make the list due to the awesome concept. Some marketing genius had to think "Gee, what else has the same shape as a gumball....I know - eyes!" And then they put the death-skull in the center and drew in alot of ruptured blood veins. Really, the execution on these is just incredible. As for the actual candy execution? Hey, it's a gumball. If it's not stale, it provides 5-10 minutes of chewing satisfaction. If it's stale, it's tile grout.
(5) Skittles. I have absolute faith that I have reams of information that I could tell you about skittles that you not only don't already know, but that you would be incredibly interested in learning. I'm just not ready to share that with you at this time.
(4) Spree. The rare candy where both the original suck-on-this form and the newer chewable are of equal value. I used to pop these suckers like....um....candy throughout high school.
(3) Sweet Tart Jelly Beans and Ducks and Chicks. The weird thing is, I actively dislike normal Sweet Tarts. But the mixture of the tartness into chewy jellybean form is wonderful, and they're individually small enough that the overall taste isn't too overwhelming. I have no explanation for why I like the ducks and chicks. They're somewhat more calcified than normal Sweet Tarts, but really it's the same substance. Maybe my psyche just likes the idea of biting heads off pastel-colored innocent duckies and chickies? Maybe it's best to not examine that any further.
(2) Chewy Runts and Chewy Gobstoppers. Ranked together because for all intents and purposes they're the same candy. Thin flavored-sugar outer coating over an addictive chewy center than is made from a substance that fell to Earth from space. These are also small enough that you can think nothing of shoveling twenty or more of them into your mouth over a couple of minutes, leading to the joyful tingling of hyperglycemic shock.*
* Note: Hyperglycemic shock is not actually funny.
(1) Bottle Caps. OMFG, these are the best thing in the history of ever. Mild but distinctive taste, sugary but not that sweet, just the right combination of chrunch/chew hardness. And they even have the added benefit of having some antacid features, so if you are prone to minor bouts of heartburn these are essentially the best flavor of tums ever!
Okay, I'm not doing a good job of selling y'all on the Bottle Caps, am I? But seriously, they're great. Would I lie to you?
* Obviously, ranking both sugar-based and chocolate-based candy on the same list would be crossing the steams. And we cannot have that.
(8) Spearmints. Classic hard candy with a bite to it. Vastly superior to crappy Peppermints. Only the finest restaurants have a bowl of spearmints at the ready for exiting customers. I try not to embarrass myself by grabbing 10 of these on the way out....but am only occasionally successful.
(7) Candy Pumpkins. The bastard cousin of the significantly more popular candy corn, the candy pumpkin is in fact far superior due to its higher chewy-center to waxlike-skin ratio. The downside is that one can get incredibly sick after stuffing one's face with 50 of these little bombs. Not that I would know from personal experience or anything.
(6) Eyes of Terror. I admit, these largely make the list due to the awesome concept. Some marketing genius had to think "Gee, what else has the same shape as a gumball....I know - eyes!" And then they put the death-skull in the center and drew in alot of ruptured blood veins. Really, the execution on these is just incredible. As for the actual candy execution? Hey, it's a gumball. If it's not stale, it provides 5-10 minutes of chewing satisfaction. If it's stale, it's tile grout.
(5) Skittles. I have absolute faith that I have reams of information that I could tell you about skittles that you not only don't already know, but that you would be incredibly interested in learning. I'm just not ready to share that with you at this time.
(4) Spree. The rare candy where both the original suck-on-this form and the newer chewable are of equal value. I used to pop these suckers like....um....candy throughout high school.
(3) Sweet Tart Jelly Beans and Ducks and Chicks. The weird thing is, I actively dislike normal Sweet Tarts. But the mixture of the tartness into chewy jellybean form is wonderful, and they're individually small enough that the overall taste isn't too overwhelming. I have no explanation for why I like the ducks and chicks. They're somewhat more calcified than normal Sweet Tarts, but really it's the same substance. Maybe my psyche just likes the idea of biting heads off pastel-colored innocent duckies and chickies? Maybe it's best to not examine that any further.
(2) Chewy Runts and Chewy Gobstoppers. Ranked together because for all intents and purposes they're the same candy. Thin flavored-sugar outer coating over an addictive chewy center than is made from a substance that fell to Earth from space. These are also small enough that you can think nothing of shoveling twenty or more of them into your mouth over a couple of minutes, leading to the joyful tingling of hyperglycemic shock.*
* Note: Hyperglycemic shock is not actually funny.
(1) Bottle Caps. OMFG, these are the best thing in the history of ever. Mild but distinctive taste, sugary but not that sweet, just the right combination of chrunch/chew hardness. And they even have the added benefit of having some antacid features, so if you are prone to minor bouts of heartburn these are essentially the best flavor of tums ever!
Okay, I'm not doing a good job of selling y'all on the Bottle Caps, am I? But seriously, they're great. Would I lie to you?
Monday, March 7, 2011
List #13: TV Shows
Time to fall back on an old reliable: TV shows that I actually watch regularly.* I'll rank these not by how much I actually typically enjoy them or look forward to a new episode**, but by how confident I am in recommending them to you, my adoring audience.
* There are, admittedly, some shows that I due rather like that nevertheless fail to meet this criteria. Chuck and Fringe, for example, are both consistently good but for one reason or another I've allowed myself to fall way behind on my TiVo homework. Burn Notice, Bones, and CSI also fall into this category.
** Thus avoiding some personal embarrassment at how high some of these shows might rank.
(7) NCIS. Yeah, I know. But it's so very watchable formulaic crap. The acting isn't going to blow anyone away, but it's better than you would expect for a show of its type, the plots are somewhat less outrageous than would be typical for this kind of thing. Don't judge me. Stop judging me!!
(6) The Amazing Race. Nominally edutainment (due to the world travel and periodical cultural highlights), this is really just a fun contest/race. It's generally well edited to keep the tension going and there is enough film of the various teams to let them show their character - watching a "do-anything-to-win" pair get trounced by a nice team is extremely satisfying. Basically, if you have any interest in the "contest" group of reality shows, it's much fun.
(5) House, M.D. House used to be higher on my list, and Hugh Laurie is still every bit as excellent. The formula is starting to wear a bit thin for me after 7 seasons though - there are only so many unique medical mysteries that can occur in New Jersey before I begin to get suspicious. Maybe if I begin to think of House as a Münchhausen-by-proxy character, deliberately seeding bizarre freakish diseases throughout the area so that he can "solve" them.....
(4) In Plain Sight. Classic flawed heroine, interesting but not ridiculous cases, office politics but no overarching evil conspiracy. Well written, well-acted, just an excellent show all around. And while it's yet another law-enforcement drama, there is not exactly a long history of shows about the US Marshal Service's witness protection agents.
(3) Castle. Nathan Fillon. Enough said, but the show is true to his (and my) aesthetic. If you have any doubt, watch this clip and tell me this show isn't better than every other procedural out there. Funnier and yet also more realistic* than any other cop show currently running.
* There are still accepted TV "reality" boundaries of course. Only a certain amount of grittiness is allowed in prime-time network TV, and this is definitely a light-hearted show. But at least they don't regularly use magic** to solve crimes.
** A brief digression for those of you who watch Bones: I like the show, and of course I'm a fan of David "Angelus" Boreanaz. But every episode, the artist character who has somehow also become an amazing computer programmer makes a vital contribution by making 8 keystrokes and creating a 3D model of the dead body and the exact angle and speed of the death blow, etc. It happens every episode and it was ruining an otherwise solid show for me, and eventually I had to just accept that that character was a wizard from the future and that she was using magic. Yes, the only way to watch the show is to accept that a wizard did it. I suspect that many other shows have the same issues (eg I know that actual forensic scientists can't stand the way that there is always some insanely rare fabric trace or pollen that only exists in one 200-foot area involved), but it's so blatant in Bones that it was really driving me crazy.
(2) Archer. One of the best damn things I've seen on television ever, bar none. Just be absolutely sure that the kids are sleep or otherwise out of the house first. Freaking hysterical, in a terrible, terrible way.
(1) Justified. Unique-but-realistic characters in tense short-term and long-term situations in backwoods Kentucky. Perfect Elmore Leonard*. All of the principle characters a frakked-up enough to be extremely interesting but not totally unpredictable, and the viewer knows enough of the back story to see why things may be unfolding the way that they are, but not enough to truly see what's coming. The best show on television.
* The series is based on his books and he's a consultant on the show.
* There are, admittedly, some shows that I due rather like that nevertheless fail to meet this criteria. Chuck and Fringe, for example, are both consistently good but for one reason or another I've allowed myself to fall way behind on my TiVo homework. Burn Notice, Bones, and CSI also fall into this category.
** Thus avoiding some personal embarrassment at how high some of these shows might rank.
(7) NCIS. Yeah, I know. But it's so very watchable formulaic crap. The acting isn't going to blow anyone away, but it's better than you would expect for a show of its type, the plots are somewhat less outrageous than would be typical for this kind of thing. Don't judge me. Stop judging me!!
(6) The Amazing Race. Nominally edutainment (due to the world travel and periodical cultural highlights), this is really just a fun contest/race. It's generally well edited to keep the tension going and there is enough film of the various teams to let them show their character - watching a "do-anything-to-win" pair get trounced by a nice team is extremely satisfying. Basically, if you have any interest in the "contest" group of reality shows, it's much fun.
(5) House, M.D. House used to be higher on my list, and Hugh Laurie is still every bit as excellent. The formula is starting to wear a bit thin for me after 7 seasons though - there are only so many unique medical mysteries that can occur in New Jersey before I begin to get suspicious. Maybe if I begin to think of House as a Münchhausen-by-proxy character, deliberately seeding bizarre freakish diseases throughout the area so that he can "solve" them.....
(4) In Plain Sight. Classic flawed heroine, interesting but not ridiculous cases, office politics but no overarching evil conspiracy. Well written, well-acted, just an excellent show all around. And while it's yet another law-enforcement drama, there is not exactly a long history of shows about the US Marshal Service's witness protection agents.
(3) Castle. Nathan Fillon. Enough said, but the show is true to his (and my) aesthetic. If you have any doubt, watch this clip and tell me this show isn't better than every other procedural out there. Funnier and yet also more realistic* than any other cop show currently running.
* There are still accepted TV "reality" boundaries of course. Only a certain amount of grittiness is allowed in prime-time network TV, and this is definitely a light-hearted show. But at least they don't regularly use magic** to solve crimes.
** A brief digression for those of you who watch Bones: I like the show, and of course I'm a fan of David "Angelus" Boreanaz. But every episode, the artist character who has somehow also become an amazing computer programmer makes a vital contribution by making 8 keystrokes and creating a 3D model of the dead body and the exact angle and speed of the death blow, etc. It happens every episode and it was ruining an otherwise solid show for me, and eventually I had to just accept that that character was a wizard from the future and that she was using magic. Yes, the only way to watch the show is to accept that a wizard did it. I suspect that many other shows have the same issues (eg I know that actual forensic scientists can't stand the way that there is always some insanely rare fabric trace or pollen that only exists in one 200-foot area involved), but it's so blatant in Bones that it was really driving me crazy.
(2) Archer. One of the best damn things I've seen on television ever, bar none. Just be absolutely sure that the kids are sleep or otherwise out of the house first. Freaking hysterical, in a terrible, terrible way.
(1) Justified. Unique-but-realistic characters in tense short-term and long-term situations in backwoods Kentucky. Perfect Elmore Leonard*. All of the principle characters a frakked-up enough to be extremely interesting but not totally unpredictable, and the viewer knows enough of the back story to see why things may be unfolding the way that they are, but not enough to truly see what's coming. The best show on television.
* The series is based on his books and he's a consultant on the show.
Friday, March 4, 2011
List #12: Current Songs
Okay, I've run out of topical subjects to riff on. That was a fun two posts. I'm sure that one day we will all look back on it and smile.
Here is a substantially more random list of 6 songs that I've been grooving on quite a lot lately, ranked by how likely I am to still really like them in a year.
(6) Derezzed by Daft Punk. The song and the related scene are by FAR the best thing about Tron : Legacy, and I mean that as more than just damning with faint praise. I know many people were jazzed about the Daft Punk soundtrack generally, but aside from this awesome (but short) zany loopiness it was a bit too ambient for my taste. This, though, is right on. I want to have a dark-light ninja battle to this song.
(5) According to You by Orianthi. I'm sure it will surprise exactly none of you that I stumbled on this entirely independently of my 9-year-old daughter, and had already downloaded it before I considered whether or not she wanted it on her iTouch. Of course, now we listen to it in the car ride to school more or less daily. It's a welcome reprieve from Taylor Swift.*
* Not that I don't like Taylor, too, of course. But I'm a bit Taylor Swifted out for the next year or so.
(4) Raise Your Glass by P!nk. P!nk owns the angry club song genre. I have no excuse here, I know it's crap, but it's so very listenable crap and her voice is good but unusual. Extremely fun driving music. Not much to distinguish it from many other P!nk songs, but when it comes on the radio or my iDevice, I do crank it up.*
* But I don't rip off the knob.
(3) Sick of You by Cake. I appreciate that Cake songs can easily be separated into great songs and uninteresting crap. This is obviously in the former category (at least for me). Bonus points for the bunnymen in the video.
(2) Felicia by The Constellations. As is my way, I didn't actually listen to the lyrics to this one until the song had already wormed its way into my head. Let's just say that I won't be playing it with the kids around any time soon. It's not quite so familiy-unfriendly as the best song of 2010, but my apologies to anyone who clicked on the link for this one at the office and had anyone overhear the lyrics. Crazily catchy tune though.
(1) Hanuman by Rodrigo y Gabriela. Just frakking incredible. I would like to be able to do anything as well as these people play guitar. Daaaaaaaaaamn.
Here is a substantially more random list of 6 songs that I've been grooving on quite a lot lately, ranked by how likely I am to still really like them in a year.
(6) Derezzed by Daft Punk. The song and the related scene are by FAR the best thing about Tron : Legacy, and I mean that as more than just damning with faint praise. I know many people were jazzed about the Daft Punk soundtrack generally, but aside from this awesome (but short) zany loopiness it was a bit too ambient for my taste. This, though, is right on. I want to have a dark-light ninja battle to this song.
(5) According to You by Orianthi. I'm sure it will surprise exactly none of you that I stumbled on this entirely independently of my 9-year-old daughter, and had already downloaded it before I considered whether or not she wanted it on her iTouch. Of course, now we listen to it in the car ride to school more or less daily. It's a welcome reprieve from Taylor Swift.*
* Not that I don't like Taylor, too, of course. But I'm a bit Taylor Swifted out for the next year or so.
(4) Raise Your Glass by P!nk. P!nk owns the angry club song genre. I have no excuse here, I know it's crap, but it's so very listenable crap and her voice is good but unusual. Extremely fun driving music. Not much to distinguish it from many other P!nk songs, but when it comes on the radio or my iDevice, I do crank it up.*
* But I don't rip off the knob.
(3) Sick of You by Cake. I appreciate that Cake songs can easily be separated into great songs and uninteresting crap. This is obviously in the former category (at least for me). Bonus points for the bunnymen in the video.
(2) Felicia by The Constellations. As is my way, I didn't actually listen to the lyrics to this one until the song had already wormed its way into my head. Let's just say that I won't be playing it with the kids around any time soon. It's not quite so familiy-unfriendly as the best song of 2010, but my apologies to anyone who clicked on the link for this one at the office and had anyone overhear the lyrics. Crazily catchy tune though.
(1) Hanuman by Rodrigo y Gabriela. Just frakking incredible. I would like to be able to do anything as well as these people play guitar. Daaaaaaaaaamn.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
List #11: Sheen Theories
Trying desperately to stay "topical," here are 5 theories behind the....well, the *whatever* that Charlie Sheen has been doing the last while, ranked in order of how much I personally believe they are the actual cause.*
* I'm sure that the actual answer is "Many of the below, plus other factors" but I'm ranking based on the most likely to be influencing him scale.
(5) Performance Art. Basically, it's all a more-fun* follow-up on the Joaquin Phoenix nonsense. This would key on the obviously-winking nature of some of the nonsense** and the fact that he does seem to be in on the joke to at least some extent.*** Ultimately, I don't fully buy this one though - no reason for him to mess with his $2M/episode payday just to make some kind of wacky statement or publicity stunt.
* Let's just ignore for now that he has kids that are going to one day look back on all this.
** Tiger blood? Uh-huh.
*** Seriously, check out his brand-new verified twitter feed.
(4) It's a Contract Renegotiation. He actually might well have a breach of contract claim against CBS for shutting down the show while his antics don't appear to have had him resulting in having missed a taping or being off his game as an actor.* And now he's doing nothing but upping the profile of the show and the Charlie Sheen brand. And the first episode back will be must-see TV for a wide percentage of the nation. Also note his demand for $3M per episode for him to come back to the show.
(3) He's Just F*ing Nuts. He's lived the hard life for too long and he's just freaking insane. He's a pampered movie star who, as the rich son of a pampered movie star, has never had to suffer the consequences of his actions, and he really thinks he operates on a different plane from us mere mortals.*
* Given our celebrity culture, this may not entirely actually be a f*ing nuts position to take.
(2) He's Melting Down. There is some evidence that addicts* who go cold turkey, especially while not under a doctor's care while doing so, can have sudden personality shifts, psychotic episodes, and all sorts of bad juju. This also ties into the theory that we're all vicious hyenas for watching a human being self-destruct in front of our eyes.
(1) WTF. He's lived hard, he's still been able to very successfully pursue his career, and make a bazillion bucks. He's set for life. Everyone around him loves him. And now he's really being treated like the center of the universe. Why not have some fun with it? If people take it all seriously, it's not his problem. Granted, this still makes him a gigantic ass given that he has an ex-wife,* a father, and, you know, those kids that should deserve more respect than the actions and words that he's devoted to them. But being an ass isn't against the law,** he does have a certain devilish charm and phenomenal comic timing. If his show is going to go on hiatus, why not blow off some steam and have a ball rolling the media in the process.
* Not to mention the reports of threats and assaults against other women. I'm not at all defending his actions or attitude here, just spitballing possible reasons for the behavior, as armchair psychology is the USA's #1 export these days.
** As opposed to, say, smoking a boatload of crack and hiring trucks of prostitutes.
* I'm sure that the actual answer is "Many of the below, plus other factors" but I'm ranking based on the most likely to be influencing him scale.
(5) Performance Art. Basically, it's all a more-fun* follow-up on the Joaquin Phoenix nonsense. This would key on the obviously-winking nature of some of the nonsense** and the fact that he does seem to be in on the joke to at least some extent.*** Ultimately, I don't fully buy this one though - no reason for him to mess with his $2M/episode payday just to make some kind of wacky statement or publicity stunt.
* Let's just ignore for now that he has kids that are going to one day look back on all this.
** Tiger blood? Uh-huh.
*** Seriously, check out his brand-new verified twitter feed.
(4) It's a Contract Renegotiation. He actually might well have a breach of contract claim against CBS for shutting down the show while his antics don't appear to have had him resulting in having missed a taping or being off his game as an actor.* And now he's doing nothing but upping the profile of the show and the Charlie Sheen brand. And the first episode back will be must-see TV for a wide percentage of the nation. Also note his demand for $3M per episode for him to come back to the show.
(3) He's Just F*ing Nuts. He's lived the hard life for too long and he's just freaking insane. He's a pampered movie star who, as the rich son of a pampered movie star, has never had to suffer the consequences of his actions, and he really thinks he operates on a different plane from us mere mortals.*
* Given our celebrity culture, this may not entirely actually be a f*ing nuts position to take.
(2) He's Melting Down. There is some evidence that addicts* who go cold turkey, especially while not under a doctor's care while doing so, can have sudden personality shifts, psychotic episodes, and all sorts of bad juju. This also ties into the theory that we're all vicious hyenas for watching a human being self-destruct in front of our eyes.
(1) WTF. He's lived hard, he's still been able to very successfully pursue his career, and make a bazillion bucks. He's set for life. Everyone around him loves him. And now he's really being treated like the center of the universe. Why not have some fun with it? If people take it all seriously, it's not his problem. Granted, this still makes him a gigantic ass given that he has an ex-wife,* a father, and, you know, those kids that should deserve more respect than the actions and words that he's devoted to them. But being an ass isn't against the law,** he does have a certain devilish charm and phenomenal comic timing. If his show is going to go on hiatus, why not blow off some steam and have a ball rolling the media in the process.
* Not to mention the reports of threats and assaults against other women. I'm not at all defending his actions or attitude here, just spitballing possible reasons for the behavior, as armchair psychology is the USA's #1 export these days.
** As opposed to, say, smoking a boatload of crack and hiring trucks of prostitutes.
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