List #14: Candy (Non-Chocolate)

Favorite candy, not including anything using chocolate,* ranked by how much I want to eat a pound of it right now.

* Obviously, ranking both sugar-based and chocolate-based candy on the same list would be crossing the steams.  And we cannot have that.

(8) Spearmints.   Classic hard candy with a bite to it.  Vastly superior to crappy Peppermints.  Only the finest restaurants have a bowl of spearmints at the ready for exiting customers.  I try not to embarrass myself by grabbing 10 of these on the way out....but am only occasionally successful.

(7) Candy Pumpkins.  The bastard cousin of the significantly more popular candy corn, the candy pumpkin is in fact far superior due to its higher chewy-center to waxlike-skin ratio.  The downside is that one can get incredibly sick after stuffing one's face with 50 of these little bombs.  Not that I would know from personal experience or anything.

(6) Eyes of Terror.  I admit, these largely make the list due to the awesome concept.  Some marketing genius had to think "Gee, what else has the same shape as a gumball....I know - eyes!"  And then they put the death-skull in the center and drew in alot of ruptured blood veins.  Really, the execution on these is just incredible.  As for the actual candy execution?  Hey, it's a gumball.  If it's not stale, it provides 5-10 minutes of chewing satisfaction.  If it's stale, it's tile grout.

(5) Skittles.  I have absolute faith that I have reams of information that I could tell you about skittles that you not only don't already know, but that you would be incredibly interested in learning.  I'm just not ready to share that with you at this time.

(4) Spree.  The rare candy where both the original suck-on-this form and the newer chewable are of equal value.  I used to pop these suckers like....um....candy throughout high school.

(3) Sweet Tart Jelly Beans and Ducks and Chicks.  The weird thing is, I actively dislike normal Sweet Tarts.  But the mixture of the tartness into chewy jellybean form is wonderful, and they're individually small enough that the overall taste isn't too overwhelming.  I have no explanation for why I like the ducks and chicks.  They're somewhat more calcified than normal Sweet Tarts, but really it's the same substance.  Maybe my psyche just likes the idea of biting heads off pastel-colored innocent duckies and chickies?  Maybe it's best to not examine that any further.

(2) Chewy Runts and Chewy Gobstoppers.  Ranked together because for all intents and purposes they're the same candy.  Thin flavored-sugar outer coating over an addictive chewy center than is made from a substance that fell to Earth from space.  These are also small enough that you can think nothing of shoveling twenty or more of them into your mouth over a couple of minutes, leading to the joyful tingling of hyperglycemic shock.*

* Note:  Hyperglycemic shock is not actually funny.

(1) Bottle Caps.  OMFG, these are the best thing in the history of ever.  Mild but distinctive taste, sugary but not that sweet, just the right combination of chrunch/chew hardness.  And they even have the added benefit of having some antacid features, so if you are prone to minor bouts of heartburn these are essentially the best flavor of tums ever!

Okay, I'm not doing a good job of selling y'all on the Bottle Caps, am I?  But seriously, they're great.  Would I lie to you?