List #11: Sheen Theories

Trying desperately to stay "topical," here are 5 theories behind the....well, the *whatever* that Charlie Sheen has been doing the last while, ranked in order of how much I personally believe they are the actual cause.*

* I'm sure that the actual answer is "Many of the below, plus other factors" but I'm ranking based on the most likely to be influencing him scale.


(5) Performance Art.  Basically, it's all a more-fun* follow-up on the Joaquin Phoenix nonsense.  This would key on the obviously-winking nature of some of the nonsense** and the fact that he does seem to be in on the joke to at least some extent.***  Ultimately, I don't fully buy this one though - no reason for him to mess with his $2M/episode payday just to make some kind of wacky statement or publicity stunt.

* Let's just ignore for now that he has kids that are going to one day look back on all this.


** Tiger blood?  Uh-huh.  


*** Seriously, check out his brand-new verified twitter feed.


(4) It's a Contract Renegotiation.  He actually might well have a breach of contract claim against CBS for shutting down the show while his antics don't appear to have had him resulting in having missed a taping or being off his game as an actor.*  And now he's doing nothing but upping the profile of the show and the Charlie Sheen brand.  And the first episode back will be must-see TV for a wide percentage of the nation.  Also note his demand for $3M per episode for him to come back to the show.

(3) He's Just F*ing Nuts.  He's lived the hard life for too long and he's just freaking insane.  He's a pampered movie star who, as the rich son of a pampered movie star, has never had to suffer the consequences of his actions, and he really thinks he operates on a different plane from us mere mortals.*

* Given our celebrity culture, this may not entirely actually be a f*ing nuts position to take.


(2) He's Melting Down.  There is some evidence that addicts* who go cold turkey, especially while not under a doctor's care while doing so, can have sudden personality shifts, psychotic episodes, and all sorts of bad juju.  This also ties into the theory that we're all vicious hyenas for watching a human being self-destruct in front of our eyes.

(1) WTF.  He's lived hard, he's still been able to very successfully pursue his career, and make a bazillion bucks.  He's set for life.  Everyone around him loves him.  And now he's really being treated like the center of the universe.  Why not have some fun with it?  If people take it all seriously, it's not his problem.  Granted, this still makes him a gigantic ass given that he has an ex-wife,* a father, and, you know, those kids that should deserve more respect than the actions and words that he's devoted to them.  But being an ass isn't against the law,** he does have a certain devilish charm and phenomenal comic timing.  If his show is going to go on hiatus, why not blow off some steam and have a ball rolling the media in the process.

* Not to mention the reports of threats and assaults against other women.  I'm not at all defending his actions or attitude here, just spitballing possible reasons for the behavior, as armchair psychology is the USA's #1 export these days.


** As opposed to, say, smoking a boatload of crack and hiring trucks of prostitutes.