List #2: Hogwarts Houses

I loved the Harry Potter books.  Truly, I did - I've read and re-read them all, and in the time-honored tradition I'm reading them to my kids too (with voices and everything - oooh, another list, favorite HP voices to do out loud).  But I hardly think it's controversial to point out that certain aspects of the world created by Ms. Rowling are rather simplistic.  The relevant example that's been bugging me recently is the Houses - if the Sorting Hat doesn't put you in Gryffindor or Slytherin, you really may as well just go home, as you are of no consequence.  Sure, you may be a temporary love interest or may get killed off dramatically to make a point about the nature of evil, but you have no role to play in the larger story.

Which you'd have to think would be kind of sad for Rowena Ravenclaw and Helga Hufflepuff.*

* Curious how the Houses founded by witches are marginalized while the warlock Houses are primary in the good-vs-evil ultimate struggle. 


So, making the entirely reasonable supposition that Hogwarts existed more or less as described in the books but without Harry, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and the Gang, what House would really be the best?

(1) Ravenclaw.  This actually seems pretty obvious to me.  Ravenclaw embodies intelligence, both in terms of raw ability and applied problem-solving.  They even have to answer a question or solve a puzzle to enter their dormatory instead of just remembering a password like the other Houses.  Even in the books, the importance of the Ravenclaw attributes is obvious, as Hermione, a born Ravenclaw if ever there was one*, is continually central to solving the mysteries and defeating the forces of HWMNBN.**

* I can only assume that the fix was in with the Sorting Hat.  Obviously Harry would need more help than just good ol' Ron, so Dumbledore persuaded the Hat to put Hermione (who, granted, is also brave and daring) in Gryffindor instead of her more natural fit.


** I definitely subscribe to Derek Zumsteg's theory that Hermione is the real hero of the books.  Unlike certain Chosen Ones who just happen to have mystical origins that give him special powers and natural talents for things like broom riding, Hermione actually works hard, betters herself, solves mysteries, and figures stuff out.  All without getting into pathetic self-pitying jags.


Really, though - in today's world, the ability to think things through and solve issues and to think outside of the box is central to having both a solid professional existence and a fulfilling personal life.  Ravenclaws forever, yo!

2. Slytherin.  Okay, there is a certain amount of evilness to overcome if you're a Slytherin, not to mention some racist tendencies you're going to have to suppress.  But the House emphasizes shrewdness and cunning, not to mention self-preservation.  It's obviously not the most noble of Houses, but nobility often gets one nowhere*.  Learning early on that the world can be a vicious, unyielding place that does not have your best interests at heart can be a very valuable lesson, and figuring out how to turn things to your advantage can be a survival skill as well as a path for the ambitious.

In theory, I'm sure we'd all rather our kids and friends be Gryffindors.  But if we really want them to get ahead in the world, and if we can assume that not all Slytherins are inherently evil (eg Tonks), being cunning is much more likely to lead to a fulfilling life than being dashing.

* At least nobility in the absence of a trust fund.


3. Gryffindor.  Okay, so, daring, nerve, and chivalry are certainly not bad things.  But on their own, they can represent the kind of woolly-headed liberal thinking that leads to being eaten.  If not for secret-Ravenclaw Hermione, Harry and Ron would've been killed fifteen times in the first two books alone.  Even leaving that aside, bravery and nobility are good things, but they aren't generally enough by themselves to actually get you ahead in the world or to lead to a satisfying existence as you're constantly disappointed in the inability of others to live up to your ideals.

4. Hufflepuff.  Yeah, these guys are the cannon fodder of the wizarding world.  Loyal and hardworking, but without any particular aptitude and not even brave and daring like Gryffindor.  Sad, really.  I mean, sure, they're nice people and all, but c'mon.  Have you ever known anyone who would've been happy to be told that they were a Hufflepuff?  Even the name is sad.